The Binge

I’m losing myself
in the dark crevices of my mind
its the smallest things
I’ll be watching/ doing something innocuous
and then snap back into my reality
and I’m crying
hopeless
completely lost
into grief
grief
it is inexplicable
it is sudden and it has become permanent
it interrupts me mid conversation
mid-smile
it hits during joyous moments with friends
all the good that seems to be coming into my life is coloured with this grief
sometimes I try to eat it away
sometimes I try to drink it away
sometimes I silence it with the raucous obnoxiousness of reality series
sinking myself in unreal unrealities
but still the grief visits
so I eat and then starve and crave some more
grief interrupts me mid-smile
mid-anger
mid-joy
so I eat
and eat
and then I starve
the grief interrupts me mid bite
mid chew
its there
omnipotent
omnipresent
I’m choking on it
but I eat
eat
starve
eat and then starve
I love food
I hate food
I love myself
I hate myself
eating
starving
and grieving…
Featured Image by: Laura Callaghan
*This poem was originally published on the 13th of September 2017.

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