Intergenerational Trauma

I am tired…

of workplace macroaggressions masquerading as microaggressions- and I’M crazy
of having my reactions policed
of white supremacy masquerading as democracy
of negropeans, coons and all manners of house slaves
of having to respectfully engage with disrespectful politics
of policing my tongue to caress the egos of white fragility
masculine fragility
I am tired.

This fatigue finds no respite.
At home, I am tired…

of black men beating out their frustrations on black womxn’s bodies
of the absentee fathers
of femicide
of HIV/AIDS
of substance abuse to quench the thirst that comes from overwhelming fatigue
of the miserable unrelenting stench of poverty

of death
of the creepy uncles that make you wish you were dead
of being dead while alive

I am tired of the mental health assessments that pathologise the present.
Disregarding the traumatic past
embedded
in my skin
my soul
my memory

See I’ve been tired
I carry with me over 400 years of fatigue
Fatigue so overwhelming, that I and I express it through self-mutilation.
Death before death.

Fatigue so overwhelming it becomes a part of your being.
This fatigue is:
Delirium
Anger
Dark Humour
Happiness
Procrastination
Apathy
Laughter

All of it fatigue
All of it trauma

(Mamello Mosiana)

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